everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
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Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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