hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
