Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
