normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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