Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
