my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
