i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
what day is it and did you see me today?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
