i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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