you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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