what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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