she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
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because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
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Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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