As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Still dying that you shit outside
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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