can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I supernannyed him into submission
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
