that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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