break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
