Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
