my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
