You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
