You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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