So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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