Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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