I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
