Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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