GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
