My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Green mimosas i think yes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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