rhymes with "ouble enetration"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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