i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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