i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
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i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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