I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
