I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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