dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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