when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
