It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
