god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
