i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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