i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm passing your future prison.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
