oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im part way to drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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