we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
