Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
