spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize