dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
