You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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