Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
