I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
