dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He did a backflip because drugs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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