Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
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I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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