I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
