im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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