I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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