to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
