walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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