We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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