Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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