im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
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I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.