so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.