tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.