We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.