He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
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got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.