I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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