The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
