i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
