I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
