Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
