Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
