I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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