i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
whose parrot is this?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
