do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
