Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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