Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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